Hi!

Im not your friend. Im not your buddy. So before you refer to me with a socalled “nickname” figure out if you have that privlege

can’t take it anymore. It doesn’t seem worth it. Everything is a one sided effort. AHHHHHHH

Fuck the future

Why is it so difficult to let go on negative feelings? It’s such an uneasy feeling and I hate but I don’t know how to stop them. I want to be okay with the situation because I think it’d make me a stronger person but how can I do that when I can’t even get it out of my head? 
I have a theory, give trust and get trust. It doesn’t always work and trust me I know that really really well. I guess I haven’t been following my own theory because of all these damn negative thoughts! I don’t trust anyone anymore. And if i do, then the people who i trust should feel extremely special because there are very few of them if any. I figure if I want my negative feelings to go away, I should trust the person to not fuck me over. I should trust that they wont do anything to hurt me and will indeed take charge of the situation to make sure everything works out for the best. If  I had some sort of proof that this would happen FOR SURE, like 100% SURE, I wouldn’t need to worry about the “what ifs..” and waste my time thinking that whatever happened in the past will happen again!
Maybe I’m not ready to believe so much in one person. Maybe I’m not ready to give that person the key to my trust. I dont knowww. But all i know is I hate this uneasy feeling of replaying situations over and over again in my head of things that went wrong in the past and apply them to the future. I hate the future. I hate not knowing whats going to happen. It bothers me. I want to know everything now no wnow.
ughh!
I hope I find a solution to this problem 

no sugar for two weeks. Lets see how this works out!